Since my last post, there’s been lots of goings on in hearts and minds and lives of the Wilsons.
Perhaps biggest and most importantly, we’re full force into our second adoption. It’s happening! We launched a brand new website [www.WilsonAdoption.com] and with a blog. Yes, Shine From The Inside is going to become my secondary blog for the time being. We are working on fundraisers and paperwork and life is like WHOA! More on that.
A couple of musings and thoughts, some not adoption related… I hope to continue to blog over here on things that pop into my brain not directly related to the adoption process. Things like the crazy journey of being Mak’s mama, teaching, and other observations and ponderings.
Here’s a few for example:
- I am BLOWN AWAY by how good my friends are. I have friends who show up to encourage, pray for, or support me - even if it’s been 9 years since they laid eyes on me. Also, I have friends who are always looking to make time to hang out, spend quality time together, and just be there for and have fun together. 2015 was THE year of friendship for me- a year spend making those special people a priority in my life. And I plan on continuing doing that. Examples: Coffee dates, dinner dates, baking together, going to the theater, road trips, planning sleep overs, camping trips, SnapChat and group texts… these have provided so much GOODNESS in my life, and I’ve come to realize that as a wife and a mom and even as a Christian, I cannot continue to grow without these amazing ladies along for the ride. I’m #blessed.
- I am so over teaching this year. It’s been a rough year, and I have the February itches when I start contemplating flying the coop and trying new things. I read an NPR article that said that that was a good thing - an aversion of complacency was healthier or more productive than a tend to stay in one familiar, comfortable spot. I love my students more than life. I enjoy pretty much every moment from the bell rings to start class until the bell rings to dismiss. It’s the other junk. It’s adults. It is always adults. If I ever quit teaching, it will be because of adults and never because of students. I’ve taught the lowest and roughest as well as the highest, brightest, and most obedient, plus all the kids in between, and I will still tell you that I will never leave the profession because of kids. It’s always adults. It’s hostile colleagues, antagonistic parents (luckily, it’s been a long time since this has been an issue for me- I’m fortunate to have some really supportive parents), and of course, the sorry folks we call NC legislators… those people are who drive out teachers. Those kids who keep me in stitches and who give me so much joy keep me in the profession for now.
- The Superbowl! As a NC girl, obviously I cheered on the Panthers. We’re not “bandwagon” fans per se. We alway cheer for the home team. But, we are not big time fans. It’s sports ball. We don’t get into sports much period. We did, however, get caught up in the excitement. Makinzy was more diehard than any of us just because of the hype. I watched the half time show with mild interest, and I have to admit, I am pretty shocked people made such a big deal about Beyonce. I was all about Coldplay, but they’re much more my jam personally. After reading articles upon articles, I find I am looking at the situation through the eyes of a potential mom of a black child. I know (and even to a certain degree, hope) that there is a big possibility that our child will black or biracial. Even the very idea has changed how I look at the #BlackLivesMatter movement, and how I think about, pray about, and respond to racial issues. One of the performances at the halftime show, Beyonce’s, has elicited yet another dialogue about race. I struggle with the concept of racial pride. I do my best to own and then check my white privilege at the door, but I still know that being “proud” of being white carries a major negative weight, yet being proud of being black is to be celebrated. Why is it that we allow such a division when we try to teach that the outside makes no difference on the inside? Isn’t it okay to be proud of how God made you? Is it only okay to be proud of your heritage if you come from a persecuted people group? Are you doomed to feel a persistent sense of guilt of when you are descended from the persecutors? These are the things you ponder when you’re tentatively expecting a black child. I’m coming to the conclusion that we always say your skin tone makes no difference, but just maybe it really does. I think statistics show it. I am worried about the discrimination my child may face because of how he or she looks, and the assumptions people may make about him or her. I worry about the systematic racism set in place. Blame is often placed on African American culture when much of modern African American culture has developed the way it has in response to the societal structures we have imposed upon it. The only problem I have Beyonce’s lyrics is the profanity and materialism and the overt sexual nature (which are American HUMAN problems, nothing racial at all. Watch a Miley video, or gasp, a country video). The lyrics, to me, do not attack the police, but rather bring to light that generational oppression that has created the fight or flight responses in young black children in my class over the years. It celebrates natural hair and hot sauce and collard greens and black culture that get suppressed and is often unjustly looked down upon as ignorant or poor. That positivity is juxtaposed with reality- images from Katrina, where faulty leeves wiped out lower income predominately black neighborhoods and the little boy in the hood dancing (no doubt a reference to Trayvon) reminding you that when you’re black, you can’t afford to “look” suspicious. I don’t find Beyonce’s song to be offensive to those who aren’t black nor as an attack on law enforcement. Any homage to the Black Panther Party in her performance, however, is offensive. MLK Jr. moved mountains through nonviolent protest, civil disobedience, prayer, and mission work. He showed how a cultural revolution could be sparked without hate. Because hate on hate never solves anything. Anyways, the whole Beyonce situation, coinciding with Black History Month, and our possible trans/interracial adoption makes it one of the things I am mulling over.
- Last night, I dreamed Jake and I were pretending to be court-school detectives investigating an incident of underage drinking. Then, suddenly I was standing in front of a white closet full of baby clothes, crying. I was debating on throwing the clothes away. A 4th grader-sized version of the Chumbawumba baby in a tank top appeared, quoted scriptures about peace and hope, and he immediately comforted me. Weird. I don’t know what to make of that one.
In closing, we’re really excited to be adopting again and from experience, I know to buckle up when you tell God yes. We are ready for an awesome ride. I’m worried, sure. I am worried about raising $25,000, nervous about the process, and it’s all overwhelming. Again, I will continue to blog here when the musings strike, but please follow us on our adoption journey on www.wilsonadoption.com. and please consider donating at www.gofund.me/wilsonadoption. Even if you can’t donate, pray for us and share our story to you church, family, friends, and on social media like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Blog about it, talk about it, and pray about it!