Wednesday, October 07, 2015

What matters.

What a whirlwind week it has been. And I am 100% depleted, exhausted, wiped out. I don’t think I’ve ever been so tired.

Last week, Makinzy brought home all As and Bs on her progress report. It’s literally the first time she’s tasted this kind of success in her academic career. I don’t know if it’s just that 3rd and 4th grade were so challenging, that 5th grade is finally feeling like an attainable goal, or if it’s truly just easier, or if she’s had some intrinsic blooming of motivivation and focus, but for whatever the reason, we are celebrating success. So we rushed out to Target as promised and used that three hundred dollars she’s saved from birthdays and Christmases and finally got to buy her iPod. And wow! What a motivator. She knows it’s the first thing on the chopping block to go, so her attitude and behavior have been super. It’s been a blessing this hectic week not have to battle! And it goes without saying, I am really, really proud of her, and it was really, really great to show and tell her that.  

This past week I also had several school and church commitments to keep, parent conferences to schedule so like 80 kajillion emails, and a sweet friend’s wedding shower on Thursday, and then the doctor’s appointment Friday, and I was actually in the wedding over the weekend. Needless to say, I went into the busy weekend exhausted, and never got a chance to breathe.

So, Makinzy spends the weekend with my parents since we had the ultrasound at 4 on Friday and had to immediately jet across three counties to make it to the rehearsal and arrive on time on Saturday ready for the wedding. Friday, we held our breath and drove to REACH and I ventured up on the table, threw my wedding-pedicured feet in the stirrups and prayyyyyyed. And tears of joy! One, perfect, embryo, well on his or her way to full on fetus status. Then we zoomed in and heard a HEARTBEAT. 115 beats per minute. 4.5 mm crown to its tiny little rump. Exactly in the 50% percentile for a ob/us at 42 days gestation. In the doctor’s words - a very textbook ultrasound; she said she couldn’t have asked for anything better. So off we zoomed to rehearsal joyous! I go back on Saturday and I am full of jitters. We have never had a positive outcome of a second ultrasound, so nerves abound, but I am refusing to let worry consume me.

I fell into bed after the rehearsal and woke up the next day still tired and jetted off to the hair appointment only to end up in a car accident on my way. It was 100% my fault - I thought the light turned green when the bus beside me began to roll and make a right turn - but it was still red, and I rolled right into oncoming traffic. I don’t know how I didn’t flip with the man going full speed. He had to be doing 35 or 40 mph. I slid across the intersection, and managed to get the car out of the roadway before it gave out. After 911, phone calls, and such, the policeman did not ticket me, even though I told him I deserved it - I took full responisbility. He was taken aback by my honesty and said he said nearly everyone looks for something to blame. Perhaps at blame was “pregnancy brain” and near exhaustion, but regardless, I thanked him and eventually made it to my hair appointment where they pulled a “glam squad” moved and got my hair and make-up done quick enough for me to make it to the church on time. Fast forward through the beautiful wedding (sweet new friends, numb toes, sore cheeks from smiling, and a few tears too) and we finally make it home Saturday night. I collapse in bed again.

Things haven’t slowed down. I had grades due for progress reports, an upcoming day of conferences, more doctor’s visits, and then there’s grad school and trying to keep afloat in general.

Speaking of afloat more literally,  my heart is so broken by all the SC flooding. I am seeing it directly affect college friends, towns and cities and roads and bridges I regularly drive through, destroying places I love. It is heart-wrenching. I am feel so blessed that up in NC (and really the Upstate of SC) missed the brunt of it. Though it’s rained incessantly, it’s not been to that level… can you imagine that on top of everything else? Most importantly, I am so grateful my friends have mostly escaped the dams breaking and while many of them have damaged property, maybe lost jobs, and some possessions, they have their lives.

Despite how close to sheer exhaustion I am…  I can’t help but be happy. We are so abundantly blessed. Our babies are both thriving (both in school and in the womb), our friend is celebrating their new marriage, our homes are safe, and cars can be replaced while people cannot. I can’t get over God’s protection, provision, and grace. I have been reminded all week by God that material things are of no eternal value and to not get caught up in the busy-ness that I forget that His grace and mercy are all that matter - His love that radiates through us and to us and between us and within us.   

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