Friday, October 16, 2015

Do not fear. Do not fear. Do not fear.

It has been a much quieter week, and for that I am oh so grateful.


Last Thursday, I had to leave abruptly in the middle of parent teacher conference and go to the ER. It was crazy. The first nine weeks conferences are always a little stressful. My 7th graders have never taken an accelerated or honors course, plus something happens to their brains upon entering middle school, and between juggling so many teachers, new higher expectations, lockers, drama, hormones, plus harder course work, well, grades plummet at first. So it’s my duty to talk parents off the cliff - explain that it’s normal, help them see what skills their students need, and help them understand their role and ways they can support their children. Long, tedious, and exhausting conferences, for sure, but very satisfying to help a worried mom relax and find do-able ways to hold her son and daughter accountable and help them make that shift from a child to a young man or woman.


Anyway, so I’m chatting with a dad, feeling jittery and breathless, and I look down, and my hands are NAVY BLUE. Like smurf blue. Like I was turning into Avatar. It. Was. Freaky. I tried to carry on, but in a lull between appointments, I walked down the hall and a few of my coworkers were immediately alarmed. I thought maybe my sugar dropped since it was a very late night and I felt anxious and fluttery, but using a coworker’s meter, my sugar level measured at 97. Normal. At my coworkers’ urging, I called Dr. T at REACH and they told me to go to Urgent Care. Jake and I carpooled, so a sweet coworker offered to drive me. We made it Urgent Care only to be told that I had to go to the ER since I was pregnant. By then, Jake had arrived, so he and I went on the the ER. They ended up taking me straight back - I bypassed all the waits! - and the ER doctor diagnosed it as Reynauld’s Syndrome - albeit an extreme case, usually triggered by stress and/or coldness.  Fortunately, the treatment she wanted to give me - a steroid and blood-thinner, are medications I would already be taking each night, so no medications were needed. As it turns out, Reynauld’s is actually a common phenomenon in autoimmune patients like me, and it is in the same family of disease as Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, and APS. So despite being scary and all, it actually confirms I am finally, finally, after five miscarriages and so much grief, being treated for the right thing… It didn’t affect the baby.


In fact, Saturday morning we went back to the doctor and saw the heartbeat AGAIN. 153 BPM and 9.79 CRL - and it was beautiful. I took lots of time to rest this week - and have worked hard to listen to my body - eat when I’m hungry, drink lots of water, rest as much and as often as possible. I have a heating pad and space heater at work now. And it’s been a better week. The extra rest helped me power through some grading and some grad school work, and I’m ending this week less stressed out than I have been in a while. I’ve battle CRAZY morning sickness all week- but it’s been a little less the last few days. 

I go back to the doctor today at 4. As always, I am scared and nervous. Ultrasounds make me scared and nervous. In fact, I couldn’t even post about Pregnancy Loss/Infant Loss awareness day yesterday for the fear of thinking about it. And today would have been my due date last year - baby number 4’s. Right now it’s too scary to even remember. Keep praying for us, friends.

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