Monday, September 07, 2015


We're not a week into the TWW and I'm dying. Every feeling I have has been over-analyzed and scrutinized. I have tried distracting myself with a great labor day/birthday celebratory camping trip (it worked until I got still for five minutes..) and with grad school (until I start procrastinating, like now.) and still.. mind-torture.

I read THIS blog today. And let me tell you, this chick is 100% honest. I nearly died laughing at the accuracy of this.

And to prove I'm in the same boat, let me share a pictorial explanation.

This is the last Sun Drop I consumed. A sweet kid at school brought me one knowing my vice. Three days prior to our IUI. My last glass of wine (or anything else) was a week before. I had half a glass of cheap white wine and a few cubes of Laura Lynn sharp cheese to make myself feel fancy when we were broke as a joke from our air conditioner and truck needing costly repair at the same time.

This is the tea I now consume instead of my typical single-origin locally roasted, fair trade coffee (please, make fun of me for that if you must, but you Crapwell House drinkers don't even know... Anyways, If it has roobios, raspberry, pomegranate, and lacks caffeine, well. It's for me. Supposedly roobios and raspberry leaf are good for the endometrial lining.

Old wives tale says cold feet = a cold uterus. I stole these from my daughter's closet. 

Another "homeopathic" suggestion involves pineapple cores. They contain some kind of magic that supposedly helps implantation, so I cut up a core into 5 chunks and eat my daily wedge. I also had  fresh pineapple for breakfast on 1dpo and 2dpo. 

This is one side of my duffle bag from this weekend's camping trip. It is stuffed with my medication. I dare not show you the number of pills I take per day. I dare not show you my arm from bloodwork. 
I haven't counted shots to ovulate and shots I will take once we get the BFP on the HPT. 

As a side note, do you know what dpo means? BFP, BFN, HPT? What it means to be on CD#1, to BD, AF, or test your CM? Can you tell me about your luteal phase or follicular phase?

If you don't, please consider yourself completely and totally blessed. I can't believe so many people have no clue about what it takes, or how insensitive people can be. 

Continue to pray for us on this journey. Makinzy has already let this PUPO thing get to her head. (Don't know PUPO? It's "pregnant until proven otherwise" - or the time period before the test to see if the procedure did, in fact, work when you treat your body as if you are pregnant for both health and positivity.) She's talking to my prednisone-bloated belly in baby talk and I die inside when she does. She has gotten her heart broken to pieces FOUR times already. When we started this cycle, she would pitch a fit at the words baby or pregnancy and huff and puff and declare she didn't want anything to do with it because she didn't want one to die again. Now, she's letting hope in, letting her heart wonder, her mind off guard from impending pain and sorrow... I don't want her to go through it again. I saw this taped to my bedroom door this morning... 

It says "baby boy" (which she taped a plastic lizard to) or "baby girl" or "both?" and ends with "love, Mak."  

I'm praying for her heart (and mine) that if this flops, she (and I) will make it through in tact. 

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

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