Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Blank Slate.

Christmas has come and gone, presents bought and unwrapped. I'm wearing my new riding boots, and Mak has been pedaling around on her new "gear bike" to beat the band, and Jake is donning suspenders with every outfit. Santa was good to us. I've enjoyed my time off- work has been tiresome lately- so just doing nothing has been great! I've laid in the bathtub til my hot water turned cold. Read a book from start to finish under my favorite blanket, beat several hard levels on Candy Crush, and finished several Pinterest projects. :) Decompression time is nice. I also have been productive, getting doctors appointments taken care of, organizing closets and cabinets and draws, rearranging furniture, and cleaning.

Christmas break has flown by and it's hard to believe we already are here- New Years! In 2013, my heart has been broken to bits. In a way, I'm glad to see it go. But at the same time, we experienced a lot of joy and made many good memories this year.
Things to celebrate in 2013:

  • Buying the kayaks and the memories made on them (snorkeling in the bay, my dad's first scalloping trip, Jake's first float down Green River, fishing, exploring area lakes on hot summer days)
  • Jake's and my trip to Chapel Hill on the bike
  • Mak getting her lifetime hunting/fishing license
  • Discovering our love of French press coffee
  • Unforgettable nights in Georgetown with the greatest friends (especially the night Whitney and David said 'I DO!')
  • Watching my Daddy walk again
  • A deeper sense/focus on fashion/style. I've simply been more cognizant of buying staples, putting together outfits that flatter, and trying things that I might not have been brave enough before (like the whole black leggings, brown boots thing, or a high top knot, etc.) I also have been more thoughtful on wearing lipstick, heels)
  • A diagnosis (positive ANA test and MTHFR genetic mutation) for my miscarriages. I am on an aspirin regiment and taking folate, and both the doctor of Maternal Fetal Medicine, geneticist, reproductive endocrinologists, and the ob/gyns at my practice all feel I WILL get pregnant AND carry to term. There's hope, medically, and most of all (spiritually) I have hope that He has plans - to prosper and not to harm, no matter what's down the road.
  • Rediscovering my passion of painting. I finished one I started in 2008, and did many more. I never have proclaimed to be good at painting, but painting is very good for me.
  • We put our house up for sale and have left that in God's hands.
  • We ended the legal battle with Mak's birthmother and have strengthed the relationship with her and her biological grandmother.
  • My faith has been tested and tried. And proven strong. 
In 2012, I didn't really make resolutions for 2013 as I was in the throws of a miscarriage having lost the baby around Christmas and had my D&C the first week of January. My focus was on emotional survival. Sooo, that brings me to this year's resolutions... which I kind of don't even like the idea of, to be honest. But, I think it's good to refocus and refresh and set goals, so I've always been a bit torn on the whole to resolve or not to resolve debate. So here's what I'm thinking for 2014...
  1. I'd like to get rid of the 15 pounds I've picked up as a result of three pregnancies and hormonal fluctuations. I don't want to do programs or special foods, but I don't have the time in my schedule for a regular exercise plan due to my commute... So, I am just going to work harder at being cognizant of what/how much I'm eating and when, and try to exercise more, particularly with yoga, hiking, and kayaking- the things I enjoy the most. 
  2. Obviously, I want to get pregnant (and stay pregnant) and sell our house and move. But those things are not do or not do things. They're the things I have to turn over to God, and trust.
  3. As a couple, Jake and I are resolving to be better at tithing. We certainly tithe, but we want to do a better job of tithing regularly and more intentionally. 
  4. Be a better mother. I know that my voice will be come her inner voice, and I've been coming up with some ideas to make sure Mak's self-worth is strong and sure. ;)
  5. I'd loooove to resolve to make 2014 the year Mak takes her first flight- butttttt, all that depends on the court. I wish they'd get it together and set our date. Just waiting on a judge to bang a gavel and will get her a passport and have a Caribbean summer. :)
  6. I do want to go back to grad school- I'm going to wait til Jake finishes though, so that might be a New Year's resolution for next year. I do want to make a decision as to where and what I want to study this year, though. 

There you have it. Like most, I want keep getting better. I refuse to set crazy unrealistic goals, but I do want to continue to grow, most importantly in my faith. 
So, here's to a new year, a blank slate, a clean start. 
Through it all, trial or triumph, to God be the glory!

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