Thursday, August 09, 2012

Oh, August… we meet again.

AHHHH! It’s hereeee. August. The worst month of the year. Even crazier now with a school age child. So here’s the mandatory update: Summer has rocked. Cape San Blas, Florida was amazing. We went in July and had the most relaxing time. It was beautiful. Scalloping, snorkeling, horsebackriding, swimming, canoeing, fishing, and more. No crowds, no fuss. And simply gorgeous.
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Chilling out on the quiet beach! <3
Massive sand dunes- 30 ft high!
Loved visiting lighthouses!
Horsbackriding was amazing! IMG_4857IMG_4865IMG_4868IMG_4874IMG_4876IMG_4964IMG_4984
Learning at the Estuary Nature Center in Eastpoint

Hubs got back to town and got a new job. Not kidding. He’s moving to the next county teach at a really awesome elementary school in the district he grew up in, with some fantastic coworkers who happen to be a part of our church family. It is a thriving place with firm leadership. It’s the kind of school teachers want to work in, and a place we are happy for our daughter to attend. My building at school was finally opened and in the midst of rearranging, my class is finally taking shape. I’m nervous about a new school, but for once, I’m feeling that back-to-school excitement that I have been missing. I think it’s going to be awesome teaching at a place like MICS (abbreviation for the charter school I now call home.) Life has been moving so fast, and Mak is growing so quickly (literally before our eyes), I can’t get time to clean, scrapbook, craft, plan, much less write!
Here’s the work in progress:


Everything is in hyper speed. She’s processing more and more. I think since her bday was one of the last times she spent time with biomom, it’s upcoming festivities are stirring feelings in her. I can’t believe she’s going to be 8 in a month! What a year it’s been. Sometimes lately  she says little hurtful things I think to test the water. Like today, she randomly asked about what we eat on Thanksgiving (she has had Turkey Day with us, so this question was odd) and I replied that I like to bake a chicken instead of turkey because it is more moist to me. She retorted, “Well, I like Mommy (Insert Biomom’s first name)’s chicken.” Number 1, I happen to know that Biomom never baked a chicken before. Much less for Thanksgiving. I doubt M remembers the last Thanksgiving they had together. So this a full-on fabrication. Number 2, I know this is her testing me. I let it go. But what I didn’t let go was the other day, I took her shopping with me and when I heard her singing a song we don’t approve of and asked her to sing something different, she harrumphed and said “I miss my other mommy” in a snarky way. I wasn’t taken aback by the fact that she said that, but by the when and the way it was said. I paused and looked at her.  I said, quietly, and calmly, “I understand you miss her. That is perfectly okay, baby. Then I looked at her and asked, what about her exactly do you miss?” and she couldn’t answer. I asked her then very calmly to think about what life was like back then. I paused to let her think and then asked if that was what she missed, and she said no. Then I said, again, that I understood her missing her and reassured her that that was okay, but how she expressed that was a little hurtful. Then I said, “Do you remember the baby that was growing in my belly that died?” and she said yes. “Well, what if every time you did something that I did not like I said ‘I miss my other baby.’ in that same tone you just had?” Would that hurt your feelings?” She got big eyed and nodded. “Do you understand that I love that baby AND you, and no matter what you do, nothing changed my love for you? She nodded. “Well, baby girl, you need to remember that your heart is big enough to love me AND (Biomom’s name) too. It is okay to miss her and wonder about her, to love her, and to be mad at her all at the same time, but it is not okay to say those things like that just to be hurtful. There is a difference.”  I hope I was delicate enough, but firm enough to let her know that I am ready for the I-hate-yous and the you’re-not-my-real-mom' moments that I am sure we will face. I know she said that just because she was mad that I didn’t want her singing the inappropriate song. I know she will pull this when she gets angry. I will love her through it and I will not back down. She will know that unlike her “other mommy,” I don’t go away. And I don’t make promises I won’t keep. That and faith will get us through. She’s going to push hard, but I am prayerfully ready.

In other news, we are moving right along in plans for a foster child. We have shared the plan with Mak and she is somewhere between leery and excited. She can’t seem to grasp that this has nothing to do with her. In her mind, DSS means another life change for her. But she’s getting it. We told her about the time she spent staying with the pastor and his family was similar to what we’d be doing, and that it would give her someone to play with and help welcome like the pastor and his wife’s three kids did for her. She kind of got it and liked the idea of helping acclimate another kid into our family system and welcoming them into our home as her job. Our interviews are done and we are set to get our first child sometime around Thanksgiving to Christmas, with the expectation that the child will be between the ages of 0-5. We have requested not to placed with kids with histories of sexual abuse or violence for Mak’s sake, and are kinda hoping for a boy. We got our fire inspection done (and PASSED), had our fingerprinting and background checks, completed all paperwork, and our social worker should be here to finish the home study tomorrow morning (needless to say today was spent cleaning like a mad-woman), and all that will be left will be physicals once our new health care plans kick in in September (remember, new jobs… thus, new health care plans and such). After that, it’s just a waiting game for the state. Excited, nervous. Such emotions. In so many ways, I feel like last fall… the calm before the storm. August is such and angsty month. I guess it always will. Either way, I look forward to the upcoming school year. I know I will be in awe of the amazing things that God leads us to and through during this school year. Can’t wait to take that first June afternoon to sit still and admire all the changes and growth!