Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Close your eyes and leap.

11 days left until school ends.
Excitement and anticipation is building, but also a teensy-weensy bit of apprehension for me. This year ends in a much more final way.
My principal and district office (though not my students or coworkers, with the exception of one dear friend who also teaches 7th grade…until recently) now know that after a great deal of prayer and internal turmoil, I’ve decided not to accept my contract for next year. Gasp. I know. It seems crazy. I was so blessed to get a job before I finished student teaching. But, it was time to move on, and I feel God poking and prodding into something else. Maybe another teaching job? Maybe something entirely different. I’m keeping options open. I explained my plight that commuting 30 minutes each day in the opposite direction of my family, my doctors, my… life, drained me in more ways than one. I tried to explain that the clientele we serve at school is a challenge in the least; we teach students who need more than what many do, both academically and emotionally, and then you add in a difficult atmosphere due to political shifts and lack of funding, it forces me to give more time and energy than I have to give up right now, and it’s not fair to my child(ren) and husband. It would be easier if I lived a few miles away to work in a place like that. I mean, 5 superintendents in my 2 1/2 years says a lot. I know from my clinical, from student teaching in other districts that not all schools, not are districts are as challenging as mine is, and I’m not saying that makes it “bad”, but it takes more of me than I’m willing to give right now. It was different when I could stay late, and I didn’t have the added stressors of doctor’s appointments, meetings with attorneys, etc… Despite the challenges, I did love it. Especially my coworkers… there were a very special handful I will miss even more. But, as I contemplate packing up my classroom and try and stomach the fear of unknown adventures ahead, be it teaching in a new environment closer to home, staying at home, or jumping out of education entirely. Who knows. I’m simply keeping my eyes on that end date, knowing that there is a reason for this; I’m practicing obedience- even when the unknown is scary. After all, God’s shown He does great things in my life when I step out and trust.