Monday, October 17, 2011

A cathartic tell-all of my life post-miscarriage is long over due, but alas, grades are due as the first nine weeks of the school year ends and report cards are issued, not to mention planning for the next nine weeks, so it will continue to have to wait. But, I can share a few things in these last moments of before I drift to sleep on this Monday night:
- My faith has been tested, frail, and I am so very weak. I am fighting each and everyday against myself, praying for Him to rid me of the doubt, frustration, and lack of trust that permeates my soul. I've been in a dark place lately. It's evident in attitude, prayer life, and even my nail polish.
- I want out of my district sooner rather than later. My ESOL calling is back full force, and I realize that after these 5 obligatory years are over, I'm out of SC, and moving on to life beyond room 126... or at least, as of now, that's my desire. Who knows what I will want by then? Walls are closing in right now though, and yet, I feel foolish for wanting to move on so quickly. I haven't even put a coffee stain on the carpet yet. Is that weird? Or is it an ebb and flow to the teaching profession? Do we start looking for outs when it gets tough, only to fall back in love a few months later? I can't decide if it's a life direction or just the mid-first-semester-blues?

All in all, know that I am surviving, but all that's keeping me together is His grip (He won't let go and He won't relent, even as I pound my childish fists into His chest... puts a new visual into calling Him "Abba," doesn't it?) and Jake's unfaltering love (he is soooo my escape from all things... just to nuzzle into his embrace makes me snap back to sanity), and of course, the simple fact that I'm too busy to fall apart.

New interests and hobbies to share soon:
-My addiction to Pinterest
-Fall happenings like the pumpkin patch, picnics, carving and decorating, haunted houses, and NC mountain apples
-Gelish manicures
-DIY updos, especially the sock bun
-Our new coffee pot
-The new SuperTarget
-Mom's new car
-Gradient eye shadow
-The Hunger Games
-13 Reasons Why
-My book writing
-Update on adopting
-Teaching Skills, Drills, and Thrills on Sundays

All coming soon. Provided I make it.
Ah, just keep going though the motions one day at a time.