Saturday, May 14, 2011

Springtime Rebirth

I know, I know. It's been MONTHS since my last post, mostly because I have been so overwhelmed with the second semester of school... what an exhausting school year it has been! Since January, I have lost three kids due to expulsion, started a new experience in team teaching, took a professional development course (only to find out I get no credit due to some clause that restricts credit to those going through ADEPT- SC's way of evaluating new teachers) and I've barely kept my head above water. This past week, we have been taking our end-of-year tests (read: pointless, expensive, high-stakes testing at it's finest) so the kids are now officially checked out. Student:Whuuuuut? Mrs. W, you meeeean we still gotta do work up in her'?  Me: Yes, indeed. If your bottom is in a desk in MY room, I will be teaching and you will be learning. Student: But testing's overrrrrrr!!!!

Fun times in seventh grade.  I'm not going to lie, I'm as checked out as they are. We've worked hard this year, and summertime is calling. I will say I am going to miss them dearly when the year ends in just two weeks, but they are getting to that point when they turn into eighth graders, and I cringe a little bit.
Enough school. I have so many thoughts and ideas to sort out, reflections on my "first" year, preparations for next year, but enough for now... 
In the last few months, we've been so busy, but made a lot of good memories.
Here's an overview:
January was snowy and cold.
February was kind of uneventful. Our Valentines Day included a nice dinner out, heart-shaped pancakes, flowers delivered at school, and a pretty pearl necklace. It was quiet and lovely. The one big event was that we officially became members at our church. Best. Decision. Everrr. :)
March included my birthday, plus a mini vacation to the beach to see the best friends in Georgetown, and of course, we spent most of our time on Pawleys. It was such a pleasant escape in the midst of a hectic month of teaching.
Here are a few pictures from my March escape. :)
April included Spring Break, a GIGANTIC hail storm, Easter (my favorite holiday of all!), and Jake and I found ourselves more and more in love with our new church.
 Jake and I posed at the Parade of Tables event at church.
 Goofing off at Jake's birthday dinner.
 Hail storm... caused $2200 worth of damage to Hubby's truck.

 He's silly.
 Rainy trout fishing trip with Daddy!
 Lots of motorcycle riding for Jake... Plus, time to dye Easter eggs!
 Easter morning!

As a teacher, the month of May feels a bit like a slip-in-slide. As soon as you start, you're already at the bottom and the ride's over. Fortunately, back in April for Jake's birthday, I bought him tickets to Merlefest, a bluegrass/folk/Americana music festival held in the NC mountains each year in memory of bluegrass/country legend Doc Watson's son Merle. We decided to rent a room at a B&B for the weekend, and wow... what a wonderful respite before testing and the craziness of May began. We had a blast!
 Friday night arriving in our quaint little abode.

 Saturday morning on the way to Merlefest.
 Ms. Brenda's BEAUTIFUL roses. :)
 Me, enjoying the bluegrass. <3

 SNOWCONES before hearing The Waybacks.

 Leaving Sunday morning after breakfast... I hated to leave!

Getting some plants from Grandma's garden at our Mother's Day/Birthday cookout. Daddy had a tickle war with my cousin's youngest. It was too cute!
Obviously, this Spring has been great- hectic- but great! We have had some life changes as well. As I mentioned, we joined the church in February, and we have gotten more and more involved. I can feel our spiritual life growing exponentially. It has been amazing to gain such a huge church family, and to feel God prepare you for something great. Jake is playing church softball, and I love going to his games and cheering the team on. We are in a Sunday school class we love, full of couples in all different stages, some with kids- babies through teenagers, some without. I love First Baptist. I love the preaching, the ministry opportunities, and the family we've gained. I totally feel like it is the church we will raise our family in. Jake and I both will be back next year at our same schools; however, Jake will be teaching 3rd grade instead of 4th. He's looking forward to it. Jake and I have been pondering more changes as well. We have been feeling the itch to sell our house, mostly because we want more land. We've looked at few, but nothing has felt right just yet. Also, with my first year of teaching coming to a close, Jake and I had the conversation about having children. A while back, I posted a blog about how tired I was of people being pregnant. It was kind of a rant. The reason I felt this way is that so many of the people I know have been having kids, most of them very young, and it was just so many of them at once. I felt overwhelmingly alone in my kidlessness. I think, though, deep down, there was a splotch of jealousy. You see, I've known for most of my life that I am meant to be a mother. On top of it, I always had a fear that for some reason, I wouldn't be able to have kids. Well, in December, about the time that my Facebook wall was inundated on a daily basis with pregnancy announcements, my doctor tells me that I'm annovulatory- basically having kids on my own would be challenging if not impossible. We took a few months to contemplate it and weighed the options of either going on the pill again (uggh), or beginning infertility treatments. With a lot of prayer and soul searching, Jake and I realized that it's time for us to start the journey. No rush for kids, but ready and excited to open the door for the possibility. But, I have sworn up and down that I am not going to become like some I know and publicly antagonize over each cycle, posting HCG, progesterone, and FsH levels and whatnot, wailing and complaining about whacked-out hormones and "BFN" results. That's "Big Fat Negative" for those if you not up to date on "TTC" (trying to conceive) lingo. It's seriously like another language. As of today, I am on day 5 of my second cycle.  And this will probably be one of the only times I ever go into any detail about my treatments. I just don't think it very tasteful, nor is it anyone else's business. I mean, it's not that I wouldn't share or talk about it... just don't expect to read about it in a Facebook status. I've done a lot of praying about it, and I am honestly peaceful about this journey. I am a little scared, I'll admit, but I am SO, SO, SO confidant that God is making big, big, big plans for Jake and me. I had someone ask me at a baby shower (one of 4 over a two-week time frame... see why I was overwhelmed with pregnant friends?) today when Jake and I were going to have kids, and I explained that I was on my second round of infertility treatment, so whenever it happened, it would. I tried to ignore the comment, "Oh, I didn't know you had a problem!" Normally, I wouldn't have understood why I have heard friends who have gone through infertility treatment complain about people's responses, but today I did. I mean, it made me feel like she thought I was defective. Like damaged goods.  I know she didn't mean anything hurtful at all- she's a sweet lady- but it stung. It was such a strange feeling. It reinforced to me why this is something that I won't share much about. On top of it all, I am feeling such a HUGE pull towards the road of adoption. Whether we get pregnant or not is irrelevant. I'm not leaning towards adoption as a second best, a way of settling if we can't have kids on our own... no, not at all. I mean, I feel a leaning towards adoption because Jake and I see first hand on a daily basis just how many children who are born into the world without a loving Christ-filled home where they are safe, stable, and surrounded by love and learning experiences. There is a couple at church who adopted a son (they had three children already) from China, and hearing their story just reassures me that this might be a road God leads my little family down. Either way, we are ready to start a family, and we are leaving the how and when in His hands. It may be next month- it may be in a few years- whenever it happens is okay by me, because I feel like our journey to parenthood is God-ordained... it will happen when and how He sees fit for whatever amazing plan He has for us.
Between all the discussion about work, church, infertility, adoption, moving, Jake and I have spent this spring sitting and talking about the future a lot. A nice way to summarize it all is that we are sitting, waiting, listening, and praying for direction, for doors to open, and that we will know when and how will be taken care of.
All the way my Savior leads me;
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who through life has been my Guide?
Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well

1 comment:

Melissa said...

I'm so glad you are loving your new church!! :)

Sounds like it's been crazy for you lately! I love reading your blog though & catching up!!

Girl, i really hate when ppl ask about when you're having kids. Just because... it's so complex (all the TTC lingo!) that they really are asking more than they realize! Haha. Brad & I planned to start trying in April, i got off the pill in Novemer so that my cycles would be regular in time, well they're still not regular. The other day my coworker was like "my daughters still haven't had kids, i'm like COME ON!" I said, "Well, my mom is in the same boat!" She said, "Well, my daughter is 27!!!!" (Like, horror of horrors!) I replied, "Um, i'm 33. My sister is 35." She said, "Well, what's the hold up!??!"

That was the most i'd ever said to anyone & i quickly wished i hadn't said anything to her first comment about her daughters. I said, "Um...we're working on it?" Because what am i supposed to say? "Well, I'm currently waiting on my period so that i can ovulate but it seems i haven't had a period since February..." LOL. TMI!

ANYWAY... i have an appt today w/ the obgyn, they are going to test me for insulin resistance, etc, i think. But go figure... i finally got a period Saturday! Still going to get checked out b/c i have had so much trouble losing weight, etc. Anyway, good luck to you & i do not blame you for not writing about the details! I won't either! I'm always amazed when ppl blog about all those details - i mean, my UNCLE reads my blog... LOL.

Sorry such a long comment! But i'm excited to see what is in store for you. :)