Thursday, December 30, 2010

Welcome to the Twilight Zone…

Merry Belated Christmas! Now that Santa has came and gone, it kinda seems life has come to a standstill as the last days of 2010 slide by. Christmas was nice. And it was WHITE! We did our usual holiday parties and traditions, but there was something extra cool about seeing our house all decorated for Christmas as SNOW fell on Christmas Day for the first time since the 40’s here in the Carolinas. So here I am, loafing about in post-Christmas laziness. My Facebook status is brutally honest about it.

It currently says I am “avoiding doing important things like budgeting for the new year, making life decisions, considering resolutions/goals, lesson planning, doing laundry, or even grading papers & such and is, instead, being a very boring English teacher who is sitting around in her sweats, no make-up (forrr real, y'all!), drinking wine, and looking up cool words like didactic and deliquesce online. Living life on the edge here... ;)”

Let’s expand.
The current things I’m avoiding. I’m stuck in that Twilight Zone of days that occur between Christmas and New Years. No money to spend because it was all spent before the holidays, no people to see or visit (seen them all for Christmas, and that’s enough for now, right? See brutal honesty? HAHA) and of course, no real reason to get out of the house. I made such illustrious plans to play some tennis, grade the gazillion papers I neglected in the pre-holiday blitz, and start planning for that looming 3rd nine weeks, but alas, I wake up, mope around craving  & thinking about the food I’m swearing I won’t touch in January (so wth, one more bite, for old times sake?) and only getting showered and dressed to avoid feeling like I wasted a total day. Not to mention that my head has been a faucet- what' is with this runny nose?! I really should be spending time with Jake discussing our budget and fiscal plans for the new year (we do get better with planning our money and budgeting each year- it seems we fine-tune our system and gain a little more wisdom with each passing year, even though it takes some discipline and sometimes physical restraint (lol) to get me to sit down with him and discuss numbers yak- I hate math!) but really, we’ve spent most days trying out Net Flicks and spending more time on Hulu than most… The being lazy and cuddly has been fun, but I know I’m just putting off difficult decisions and lengthy serious conversation… for example, as I might have mentioned, I’ve been seeing my OBGYN regularly now that full time employment has given me the joy that is health insurance, and we’ve been able to figure out my lack of a period. I take progesterone to induce ovulation and therefore, have a period, however, long-term usage of this med isn’t recommended. See, I have a type of infertility that affects about 20% of all women with infertility issues, and that is annovulation… simply put, my ovaries don’t release eggs. Or when they do, it’s not often and difficult to predict. Fortunately for me, my OBGYN is quite awesome (honest and easy to talk to) and he says that my infertility is easier to deal with than some, however, since I can’t stay on prometrium indefinitely, I’m kind of at a mental crossroads. I need to choose to prolong conception for a few more years and get back on a birth control pill (which I don’t want- I don’t want to take ANY pill in my system) or go on Clomid and start trying for a baby (which I do want, but I don’t know if I am ready for just yet…) so, for now, I’m gonna stay on the progestrone hormone for 6 months and revisit the discision then, but even still, having to choose a route leaves my stomach in knots. Hence the last blog post… so many pregnant friends facebooking their entire pregancy is a bit of salt in a wound, and I try not let myself be bitter about it. I’m just nervous, but trying to be faithful.  Then, there is the whole issue of planning. I can never plan at home. Facebook, blogs, and the random pull of the internet distractions, laundry baskets and dirty dishes call my name, and two cute, cuddly “furbabies” beckon me to cuddle them so I push it aside and get nothing done. But, lets be honest. I’ve been going 100 miles an hour during school. Chilling out in sweat pants, not straightening my hair, going without makeup and slothing about sipping vino, looking at cool words on internet dictionaries and nerd-blogs and FB-stalking and reading Paula Deen recipes (hence the need of a New Years Diet… too much “buttah”) is all okay, right?  Maybe I’m using every bit of this time to be lazy just because deep in the pit of my soul I know that I’m not going to have a split-second to breathe in 2011. It’s gonna be great. Maybe it will be tackling the babies/infertility issue (and maybe going for it!), maybe it will be grad school or a career adjustment, heck, maybe it will be moving or doing something big and adventurous, or maybe it will be really, really, really getting myself into teaching and refining things into the magic of 7th grade language arts that I’ve always hoped for WITHOUT wearing myself so thin. Who knows what the year will hold. Regardless, God has big plans for 2011 and I am pretty darn excited to see where He takes my life. So for now, I’m going to veg out and enjoy these last few moments of 2010… I’m gonna need the rest for the big year that awaits! :)

Merry Christmas & a very Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

POO on Preggo!

The post below was written last week, btw…

Last day for school before break, then Hubby & I are off to DC! I’ve never been to Washington and I’m so excited! We’re going to stay with a friend of mine from college. I cannot wait! I’m so ready to get away!

One thing I’m so, so, so eager to get away from is all of the daggum pregant people I know… I know, I know, I know- this is gonna sound mean, but please forgive me for venting. In all actuallity I’m thrilled for each and every one of the people I know who are preggo, but really, it’s just driving me crazy!

There are at least 10 who I can name off the top of my head from high school/my hometown (please keep in mind there were just barely over 100 people in my graduating class) who are currently pregnant. I feel like I see a new one make the announcement daily. I think I’m one of like, I don’t know… um, 3? … people who do know have babies already! I HATE that! Add to that pregnant family members, recently pregnant coworkers, facebook friends who are trying and sharing each and every ovulation cycle, and the nearly daily question “so when are you two gonna have a baby?” … it makes me INSANE.

We are so, so, so, so excited about having a baby. I want one of my own so desperately. But with my job and my fertility issues and our youth (I’m only 22, and he’s just 24, folks!), we know it’s not the time. It’s hard enough for me to keep myself focused on the idea that it is best to wait without having to see so many stinkin’ pregnant people! UGH! Gosh, you’d think having a baby bump was the newest accessory! SCREAM.

Okay, so my rant is over, and hopefully I wasn’t overly offensive. And like I said, I truly am happy for my pregnant friends, it’s just so overwhelming.
Again, I can’t wait to get to DC. It will be nice to be away, see the sites, hangout with my friend, KTP, and be around people who realize that there is more to life than doing what everyone else is doing- and that part of what makes a good parent is the maturity to wait, to gain life experiences, and to keep their mind and heart focused on  doing what you need to do, not just what you want!

Are we there yet?

Ughhhhhhh…. is it Christmas break yet?!

I usually try not to blog about school (ha!) just because I’d like to keep it compartmentalized so that I don’t loose my mind- so much that Hubby and I have times when we ban ourselves from discussing it (two dedicated educators in the same house can be dangerous…). That’s one of the reasons my blogging decreases during the school year, that and my extraordinary lack of time or brain functionality. Well, I’ve been trying to communicate the idea to my kiddos that writing is cathartic and really helps you sort out your thoughts. So today, I’m eating my words and blogging about school (Not to mention the laughs I got from reading a teacher’s blog who also teaches 7th grade ELA… HILARIOUS tales from the trenches, by the way…).

So anyways, about this time of year, when Christmas break is so close the little monsters students can taste it, they tend to go bananas. The talking is nonstop, the whining is endless, and the drama is ongoing. Shoot. me. now.

One lovely child who shall (obviously) remain nameless called me “cuz” today, and I just stopped and stared. It was one of those moments that I had to just breathe and remind myself that my heinous unkind thoughts were not healthy for my sanity, haha.

Its been one of those days when you just want to shake them and scream, “WAKE UP! I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU! I WANT YOU TO SUCCEED!”
I mean, really… if you could have been a fly on the wall.

I wanted to hide under my desk… take that bachelor’s degree back and ask for a refund… jump off a cliff… run away and never look back.

The kids KNOW that I love them. WHY do they fight me so? Why!?
How can some parents be so neglectful that their children lack such basic understandings like how to respond to each other, or how to eat in a cafeteria, or sit in a desk, or speak to an adult… It breaks my heart to know that I have children that go home to empty homes and have parents who have never asked, “hey, son/daughter, how was your day, what did you learn?”  Which is why I feel guilty for getting so mad at them that I start imagining their pretty little heads as soccer balls. But, the level of disrespect today hit an all-time high.

I don’t know how to fix this. I’m told it’s par for the course with the break a mere 7 and 1/2 days away. Maybe it’s true and January will improve. If not, I’m gonna be running this show like a prison until they can show a little maturity and respect.

I gotta go get some discipline referrals. I know I’m going to need them.