Thursday, June 17, 2010

Summer Anxiety?

I’m on a ledge. A great big ledge of uncertainty, scary and exciting. This week, I got a call from my principal about my job, and happy news- I will have the position next year and will continue teaching 7th grade ELA but now as a fully salaried, classroom teacher instead of a “long term certified sub.” I am thrilled, but also kinda nervous because no one tells you what its really like. I mean, I see people I graduated with in the education field posting their news about jobs and saying things like “I am so excited to be teaching blah-blah-blah at blah-blah-blah school!” and while that’s great and I am genuinely happy for them, I know they are just as clueless as I was back in April, and sadly, I still am to a certain extent. I mean, I know that sounds bad, but I guess I just am so type A that I need to feel over prepared and I just don't know how to be, and it takes away the some of the excitement and having been the classroom, I SHOULD feel a little extra prepared, but it was just enough to take away the naivety out of me, lol...I want to plan for this year during the summer, but where do you begin? It’s so overwhelming, so I keep telling myself I’ll plan later and for now just enjoy summer, but yet I feel a bit of impending doom, just because I had enough of a taste from April to the end of May to know no matter how much you plan, it’s gonna be harder than you can ever prep for. I guess all new teachers feel this way? Excitement laced with a genuine fear… I know I am gonna follow my mentor’s advice and “Harry Wong 'em to death” so I’ve been reading Wong all summer, but after a while I look outside and see the pool shimmer, the greenness of the garden, the mess in my living room and kitchen, and realize I can read later. I mean, I’ve read at least 4 novels in the last week, I need a little break right? Well, regardless, this is my current plight. An internal tug of war between planning and summering (the verb I’m gonna be using to describe the acts of taking beach trips, working in the garden, swimming in the pool, camping, pleasure reading, canning, and cooking from the garden, and all those other amazing summer time activities I love so dearly)… I keep telling myself one of the best ways for me to “snap” out of it is to get some stress in my life. I know, sounds weird, right? Well, my husband figured this out a long time ago, but I am starting to understand that he’s right. I am a planner and a doer. I have a list and I figure out how to use my time to get the most things checked off, and I thrive on the anxiety of the check mark. So, that’s kind of how I am tackling summertime. I am making two lists… a list of fun, summertime things I want to do, and a list of preparatory planning I want to do for August, and I am going to tackle them. And it’s gonna be fun. Wanna know the first thing on my list? The bushels of veggies and fruit in my kitchen. I am firing up the canner, so watch out! :)

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