Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Entitlement and Marriage?

Earlier this morning I was watching the “Early Show” not really because I care to, just because it was on, and I was doing my morning perusing of facebook & checking email, when they do a segment called “Unwedded Bliss” and talk about the rise in the number of monogamous, long-term, committed couples who are choosing not to get married. I caught my attention, and I got so frustrated when they started saying how “unnecessary” marriage is, as if it’s just a big dress & an expensive party and certificate. One couple (who had been together 10 years and had kids in the mix) said they took the money they’d planned to use for a wedding and used it for a down payment on a house… we’ll excuse me, but whatever happened to getting married by a justice of the peace? I mean, since when are big weddings a requirement for marriage? And they went on and on about how  premarital sex and living together were no longer “no-nos”  to which I am thinking “since when?!” I just got so frustrated at their blatant dismissal and degradation of the institution of marriage. This only feeds the misunderstanding of marriage in this country and amongst young people who grew up with divorced or single parents- people who have not had the chance to witness marriages that work! And we wonder why teens begin having sex and children so young? They haven’t had an example to follow! And while I’m ranting about marriage, let me just say, while I have only been married two years, I’ve learned a few little things. I’ve been to COUNTLESS weddings in the last two or three years, being that sooo many of my husband’s and my friends (please note that I did not write “my husband & I’s- that’s so incorrect and it just pisses me off to see so many people doing this- but that’s a whole new blog post) are getting married now that we are all out of college and getting settled. It scares me to think that statistically, so many of these marriages are not going to last. Even when the couples are both Believers, it doesn’t change this fact. But really, when we live in a society where the morning news show calls marriage the “new dating” as if marriages are disposable, end-able, and even temporary, who is surprised? I mean, it’s a mind set our nation has. It’s an entire way of thinking that’s plaguing us as a culture and it’s tearing us apart. And the root of the entire thing is greed, pure and simple. People don’t want to make the sacrifices marriage requires and they don’t want to be held responsible for their actions. Being home in the summer means I see entirely too much day time TV shows like Jerry or Maury, and I just have to turn it off or switch channels because of the sheer stupidity and self-centeredness of people… it’s like an infectious disease. And then I hear commercials saying things like this: “If you receive Medicare, housing assistance, food stamps, or other government assistance programs, you may qualify for free home phone services! Call now to get the service you’re ENTITLED to.”  Never mind the fact that it should be stated “call now to get the service to which you are entitled,” I am just so frustrated that people actually thing they are ENTITLED to assistance. No, no, no! You are entitled to be born, to live, to pay taxes, and to die! You are entitled to the opportunity to work hard and make a difference in your own life! Now granted, I am a teacher in a not so wealthy part of SC, so I see daily how necessary and needed programs like free and reduced lunch, housing assistance, Medicare and Welfare, food stamps, and other programs like that are- but even some of my very students have’ smartly’ commented about how ENTITLED they are to their free lunches.  People think they are owed something by everyone. No! You are responsible for your life and your actions. If your situation sucks, do something to change it. Quit thinking that you don’t have to make sacrifices and give of yourself to make your own life better. And it makes me so very sad to see this mindset, this sick ideology of self-centeredness pollute and infiltrate the way people view marriage. It is a HOLY, beautiful institution to which one makes only when they are ready to put the needs of another person before their own, only when the can sacrifice themselves because of their love for one another, Now that doesn’t mean you loose who you are or give up your identity or personality- and sadly that happens sometimes- marriage means sacrificing that greed, entitlement, that sense of “it’s about me” and make it about others. Marriage should not make you less of who you are, but it should make you a better person. You learn to accept people you love, flaws and all, and you learn to give up your own wants to make someone else’s situation better. It makes you learn to work at something, to take pride in it, and cherish what you have been given, because deep down, that greed, self-centered, entitled self is still there, and you know that when you look at your imperfect, impure heart, God has given you way more that you ever deserve. And that, my dear friends, is the end of my “rant'” today. :)


Melissa said...

Girl, i am with you 100%!! It saddens me that people think it is so necessary to live together... i know TONS of people who lived together & are already divorced, yet Brad & i did not live together or have sex until after marriage & we are still VERY VERY HAPPY. And yes, we do make sacrifices but it really isn't that bad! I remember people (when we were engaged) finding out we were virgins & were shocked & kind of worried about me like "what if you aren't compatible?!" It's like - we are already in love & completely compatible in every other way... if we aren't sexually, then we will just have to work on that! HA! (& we are compatible! FYI!)

It is just SUCH a misunderstanding.

Also the being entitled to I work for a non-profit & we help ppl get long-term care in their homes. So i hear this kind of talk DAILY & it INFURIATES me. Like if their services are taking awhile to be processed i will tell them that it just takes time & they will say "Well, what am i supposed to do!??!!?" & i want to say "take care of your family like everyone else does." I mean - you do what you gotta do!


Krystal said...

You go girl! Thanks for sticking up for marriage :)