So, in church this morning I had some beautiful realizations about redemption and salvation and about peace in times of turmoil. I heard God speaking to me. It was one of those kinds of Sundays. <3
It was a beautiful day. Inside (of me) and out (of me).
We went and saw a movie with my parents(kinda impromptu, but a whole bunch of fun) and I was feeling pretty smiley all day. Really, just a perfect Sunday.
When we were taking up the offering this morning, the preacher said something about a man having no trouble tithing 5 dollars of his 50 or 50 of his 500, but the more money he made, the more trouble he had giving over 10 percent to the Lord. And the punch like was something like the man was told by his pastor that the easiest way to fix that dilemma was to pray that God brought his income back down to 50 dollars so tithing wouldn't be so hard on him. It got me thinking about how true that is for so many of us, and I even whispered a prayer that if being well-off would make me like that, that the Lord never give me that kind of money- if it would come between me and Him.
Since Hubby got paid, we could go grocery shopping. We've been needing to stock up on some basics for a while (my baking experiments this week depleted the flour, vanilla extract, those things, you know... haha!) So we did. And because we are soooo tight on money, we must budget every single cotton-picking dime to make ends meet and right now, the ends kinda aren't meeting. We're trying to get blood out of the proverbial turnip. And we got into stupid argument (the 2nd one of the weekend- and we hardly EVER- and I honestly mean EVERRRRR have fights) over the way we make our grocery lists. I know.
During church, all was well in the world. We had tithed, we had just gotten paid, and nothing was amiss. Saw a movie, had some laughs, great day. Then we get home and find that the mortgage was not automatically paid like it usually is (something to do with a teachers 10-month verse 12-month pay cycles) and the tanning bed place took out 30 bucks after I canceled the dang thing last month. And the power bill is way up. And my books are gonna be about 500 dollars this semester. And the scholarship check I'm waiting on is still MIA.
Money is ruining my perfect, beautiful Sunday. I was in such a happy mood. Now I feel like we keep getting knocked down over and over, even though we do tithe, we use (and strictly, I might add) a budget. We track our spending more closely than any other people I know... what's the deal here? And on top of it all, how unfair is it that people I know who have babies to feed amongst all the other things they pay for and no college degree under their belts seem to be floating along just fine? It confuses me!
Just this weekend at a friend's wedding shower I was told how wonderful it is that Hubby & I were waiting til at least one of us was through grad school, making sure we both had degrees and spent some time just the two of us growing before bringing kids into the world. But how come all those people I know who didn't do things the so-called "right" way appear to be better off financiall than we are? It's annoying me. And I know things will be different once I start working and get school out of the way, and how much grad school will help in the long term... and I know in the long run we are making the best decision for us. And that's all that matters anyway.
I can't help but feel like the devil heard my heart singing praises this morning and he didn't like me praying that money not come between me and God, and now I feel like that's exactly what he's trying to do. And if he can't get it to come between me and God, he's at least gonna try and make me & the hubby fight about how to best plan and prepare for a budget-friendly grocery shopping trip.
Foot-holds. I cannot let him have a foot hold into my life.
Satan, get out of my head, my marriage, and my wallet.
Lord, help me and Jake see the stupidity in our arguing. Help us remember to think of one another first before we speak and communicate effectively with one another. Help us to have peace about money, help the ends meet, and keep us humble and happy. Don't let us forget that everything we have or ever will have is Yours first. Don't let us let money worries or woes get us down or upset. Thank you, Lord, for freeing me of this worry, and giving my heart the freedom and peace that only comes from your grace!
I feel better.