Thursday, February 07, 2008

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

I'm proud to say that I have kept my promise to myself. For most of my life, whenever I journal about my life (or in this case, blog... same thing...) I always make myself keep it up to date. But, the beauty of this little bloggy of mine is that I told myself it wasn't a priority, more of an outlet for my thoughts and such, there for whenever I wanted to unload. I obviously have not went back on that promise because I haven't blogged in months...SO, with that being said... Somewhere between Thanksgiving and now, my life got like WHOA complicated-er. Sometime during the rush of the holiday season, Jake and I signed the papers on our house. I moved in and now it's home. It's ours and it is the scariest, most adult thing I've ever done. It's alot of work but I love it. You'd be surprised how many times a day I sweep that kitchen. Christmas was nice. Simple...Jake & I were flat broke, but it was enough just to have our tree in our own home and to have each other and our family.
Heath wise, Mama got the good news that she has neither breast cancer nor colon cancer, but they still can't find a cause for her severe anemia. I've gotten to be hypoglycemic but I'll never tell my doctor that. I've had a few kidney stones but I swallowed the pain and delt with it.

2008 started off with a bang. I had a week to prepare for my trip to the DR (which was the single most (insert adjective here that doesn't exist that means amazing times a bizillon) thing I've ever experienced. I'll post a new blog about that soon, by the way. Then, I had a mere day to prepare for classes to start.
Which, brings me to now, Spring 2008. I have a few conclusions about this semester. It's the first of a new era. I realized recently that the vast majority of my close friends at Winthrop transferred or for some reason or another are no longer a big part of my day to day life.
I don't hang out with Jeremy and Ben or Chad or Courtney. Palmer, Adam, Nate, Whitney, Elizabeth, John... they all transferred. Our TF group isn't as close as I had hoped we were. My friends from Wofford and ACAD all went different ways. I almost feel angry at Winthrop. It's like the explosion of friendship that you experience your first semester or two is a planned strategy to make you think college is soooo wonderful. Well, it's better than high school, but still. It's a false sense of security. Even so, I've realized that true, meaningful friendship isn't the kind you have to force. Luckily, I am still just as close to Whitney. I don't have to remind myself to call her, I just instinctively do. Because it's deeper, and it's that kind that matters. And I've found peace and support within Alpha Omega, and for that I am very thankful...Furthermore, I've realized that life as a commuter is what I was meant for. Even though I hate driving so much because I almost fall asleep driving at least twice a week, catching myself swerve or nodd, and I hate pumping so much liquid gold (I mean gas) into my car, I still enjoy singing to myself, talking aloud to God, and just the quite time I have in peaceful solitude while I cruise along 161. And I love feeling like everyday is an effort on my part. I get up at the buttcrack of dawn, eat breakfast with Jake, walk Bella and play with her and feed her, pack up my books, get ready, and leave with a tall mug of joe each day. I make the effort to get to Winthrop and learn and go to class... It's my inititive to go and study, and it makes a huge difference in my attitude. I don't feel forced or trapped, I find comfort in the fact that each night I end up in my own bed, my own office, and start and end each day in one place, without a suitcase in my car. It's niceee.

Academically, this semester is rough. To be frank, it's positively kicking my ass. I am taking 4 writing intensive courses, which is one of the reasons I've had little blogging time===I mean, Jeez, your hands can only type so much in one night===== but anyways, it's difficult to say the least, not to mention the added stress from Jake's student teaching and our poverty. But, again, I'm enjoying it.

It's almost like I can see a future older me, a blue haired granny who spends too much time in her kitchen, telling me 'girl, these are some of the best times... you may be poor, but you got passion and heart and love and the Lord...you're richer than you even know... enjoy these days and hide them in your heart.' I fully plan on it, too. I will hide these days, these memories and stuggles away in my heart, holding them near as times that shaped me into the woman I will become.