Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Politics

I've always thought of politics in terms of opposites. Red, Blue. Left, Right. Democrat or Republican. But, I think I am really beginning have an ephiany about it all.
My simplistic understanding of Americans politics changed drastically when I met Jake, who was the first person to make me see that my views where my own choice, not what color state I was born into, nor the party affiliation of my childhood household. Then, I came to college. My view of politics suddenly didn't consist of merely blue and red, but PURPLE, GREEN, YELLOW, ORANGE.... and taking PLSC 201 only made me open my eyes further into the complexity of American politics and the plague of bipartisonship. It was.... life changing. In watching the nightly news tonight, I watched a Campaign '08 segment and I thought about faith, politics, and Republicans. I have always though of myself as conservative and now I see a little libertarian in me, too. But, now, Repulicans like many in my family are scratching my head, because there is no real clear conservative canidate this time. The Republicans are very left, the Democrats are more right than I can ever recall, and it's perplexing. Many people of faith, particulary Christians who oppose abortion and homosexuality, are stumped at what to do. We usually vote based on who holds our moral values most closely, but now, at least to me, it's not clear who that canidate is. Maybe this is a good thing? Think of George W. The reason he had my support as a president came from his moral platform, yet he has left the country in disarray and not lead us to any solutions for education, healthcare, energy, etc... we as CHRISTIANS are voting on morals, not for our nation's well being. Maybe its a good thing there is no clear Christian, pro-life, anti-homosexuality, moral canidate to take that majority vote, maybe that's what's got us here. We live in a country that prides itself on freedom, especially the freedom of religion. It was the foundation on which we were founded! I think it's time we took our own advise, and "free" our votes of religion, too. We need to focus on the issues that affect our nation, like healthcare, energy, social security, the list goes on, and let religion be personal. I would LOVE it if every leader, every expert, everyone who I depend on to take charge held my same Christian values, but the Bible says the road is narrow and not many will take it. That being said, we need to let politicians have the same freedom we do, to be whatever religion they want, and appropriate our votes based on the issues we face as a country.
Wow. I just wrote an essay because I wanted to. Isn't blogging beautiful?

Sunday, November 18, 2007

making it.

time is slipping out of my hands.
we are getting the house a whole month sooner than we expected! its exciting but scary!! we have our first payment due 12/10....right in the middle of my finals.
i am overbooked and over committed. i just wanna go to school, work on my house, go to work and church, spend time with the people i love, and plan this wedding. i am trying to keep my goal in mind--- FAITH. it's all gonna be okay. it's all gonna work out.

i am also making peace with the fact that some friends just aren't dedicated. period. that's okay, i am gonna love them anyways, even when i think they hurt me and don't deserve it or whatever. i mean, isn't that a Christian responsibilites...unconditional love????

and plus, i am seeing more and more who will be there for me for the long hall.... whitney is unbelievable. she's honest, loving, responsible, and real. she cares and she always tries. she is the picture of a real friend. and it means so much to me....
and true friendship comes from folks you sometimes least expect.... encouraging words from friends i didn't expect to notice my need... and wow, what an amazing thing to hear!

i am still scared and nervous. stressed, worried, and busy.

but i KNOW i am blessed, and i am happy. most certainly happy.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

PS....

Happy Veteran's Day...by the way!!!

<3

Love restores me

So, let me start at the beginning. Or what most closely resembles one.
Thursday, I had a melt down. I mean, A BAWLING MY EYES OUT, CAN'T SEE WHERE I'M GOING, SNOTTY NOSED, RED EYED, and SOBBING sort of melt down... On I-77, none the less.
I called my mama and did what any girl would do, cry to her! I think I scared her at first, but after my first few sobs, she told me she knew this was coming....
I have been so frustrated with a particular friend, well many of them, to be honest. I have heard "Well, everything will change after you're married!" so much... It's like these friends think I die after I say I do! NOT SO! I'll need them even more, but yet, so many of them are turning their backs on me, like they are expecting the friendship to be over all of a sudden! Its not fair, and its not true. And hurtful. Especially, one friend in particular... let's call her Sally. So, Sally and I have been friends for a while now and we are very close, at least to me. I have depended on her maturity, encouraging words, Christian spirit, and honest heart to get me through alot in the past year. Her prayers, her hugs.... she's been everything to me. But now, Sally has changed. In the past year, especially since last Christmas, she is constantly being a nay-sayer. If I say up, she says down, she's argumentative and distant. And I feel so hurt, like I lost her, and I so depended on her and her faith to help me and she let me down.
Plus, on Thursday I pretty much flunked both my Spanish and my Econ tests and I just felt like giving up, school SUCKS. I've been freaking out about these grades and this only made it worst. I went to church Wednesday nite and so I had this crazy idea that God would make up for my lack of study time and help me do well anyways and when I didn't do well, I was angry at God. My mama made a good point that made me swallow that anger.... God's not supposed to 'reward' me for being faithful and worshiping Him at church.... THATS MY JOB AS HIS CHILD. And I was like..whoa.. I am pretty selfish and just some measly little sinner....
On top of that feeling, I was pretty frustrated with God about life... I felt like I was reaching for God and He was ignoring me.... (but I see know He just answered those prayers in other ways.) I also have been dealing with grief... This time last year, my grandpaw's health began its quick decline and it will be our first Thanksgiving without him. I am still grieving him and my emotions about it only added to my tears! I was just upset and crying out at this point!
I felt stressed from school, the wedding, my friends, my desire for perfection, my faith, everything... I erupted!
But, by the grace of God, I have been given a mother that is always ready with a heart of unfaultering love and wisdom. She comforted me. Told me the truth. Loved me. Soothed me. and prayed for me. I had a splitting headache, but after 30 miles and a trillion tears later, I was better. I have no idea how I got from Rock Hill to Charlotte, driving with tear-filled eyes in the evening rush of i-77... but I pulled into Harris Teeter, just as I hung up with mama. I went inside and picked up groceries so I could cook dinner for Jake and I felt renewed. Even when my life overflowed with stress, anxiety, worry, and such... LOVE gets me through! Love from my parents, Jake, CHRIST... loving others even "Sally" and others that disapoint me... LOVE is my tissue when I cry, my fortress when I am scared, and my hug at the end of a long day!

So, post-meltdown.
I had a very uplifting Sunday. AO was great. Jake and I worked through some communication problems. WE GOT OUR ENGAGEMENT PICTURES BACK (and they are fabulous!)... I spent the weekend with my mind on love!
My biggest fears right now are time and money... b/c we went to do the final walk through before we sign the papers for the house and we realized that time is ticking and we have alot of plans ahead... moving, getting the house ready, jobs, making the bills! It's so scarry! Jake came to me with some of his own fears, about if we would be able to make it through the next 6 months, financially speaking. (keep in mind we are making a house payment, furnishing it, moving, paying for a honeymoon, school, and both only working one day a week at a part time job) I have this huge fear too, but faith is getting me through. Tonight at AO, our guest speaker told us about how she and her husband (a minister) stuggled whenever he was trying finish seminary. She said that on paper, they weren't making it and shouldnt be paying the bills, but because they were obeying Him and going His way, He was faithful and brought them through. I know it's gonna be the same with us. God would not have lead us here if we couldn't do it. He says he will not lead down any path without helping you through it!!!
So, with this new week, and this new month , this is my goal. FAITH! To be faithful that God will guide us and help us, and to be the most faithful, helpful, loving wife for Jake and to be everything I can be for him. We'll make it I know it.